What is Lingham and Yoni Massage?
First, let’s get the basics out of the way. Lingham is the Sanskrit word for cock or penis. Yoni is the Sanskrit word for pussy or vagina. Massaging the genitals is an important part of tantric massage, although it is never required or expected. After we have worked with massage through the back of your body I invite you to turn over. I guide you to reconnect with your breath, and notice any little vibrations, sensations and movements in your body. Working through the front of the body varies a lot from person to person. Sometimes I will sit at your head and work down through your chest, torso and pelvis, other times I will begin from your belly and radiate touch, and energy outwards from there. As with the back of the body my strokes are soft, slow and flowing. I integrate gentle touch of your genitals, but the focussed massage will come later. Eventually I move to your feet, beginning to massage up through your legs, to your pelvis, and up through your torso - again encouraging you to connect with the sensation of energy and breath spreading upwards from your sex.
I tell you when I am going to move to genital massage, if we have agreed that you are comfortable with this kind of touch, seating myself between your legs, your thighs resting on mine so that there is no tension or weight being held in your hips, buttocks or lower abdomen. I begin by guiding you to let your awareness and attention sink down into the bowl of your pelvis, inviting stillness and presence before we begin any moving touch.
Letting go of expectations...
For most of my clients Yoni and Lingham massage is a very new and unique way of experiencing touch of the genitals: I have no agenda, I am not trying to ‘get’ anything from you or ‘take’ anything from you, there is no expectation of performance and I am not touching you to get you wet/hard in order to have sex. When we can let go of these ‘stories’ in the mind of ‘how my body should be’ we’re able to come into a much subtler level of awareness of the sensations that ARE moving in the body, rather than attaching to any kind of outcome. For many people, this experience of being lovingly caressed, massaged and touched in such an intimate way can bring up a strong emotional response. It’s not uncommon for people to cry, laugh, feel confused, feel vulnerable and innocent, or experience pain, anger or frustration without a reason or situation attached.
As with the Rosebud massage, we store a huge amount of tension and energetic blocks in the sex, pelvis and base of the body. When I am working with genital massage I am working to gently unwind and uncoil these tightly knotted points. The touch is always slow, focussed and in no way rushed. For men there is no goal of ejaculation, in fact the tantric practice works specifically with the intention of retaining sexual energy in the body and avoiding ejaculatory orgasms. I encourage you to stay tuned into your body, communicating with me if you reach a point of 70-80% of where you might normally ejaculate, so that we can slow down and move with a wave of pleasure in the body rather than reaching for any kind of goal. This approach can be hugely beneficial for anyone struggling with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction issues: taking away the performance anxiety, relaxing physical and emotional tension in the fascia and muscles, and giving you an imprint of how it is to experience your sexual energy without ‘peaking’.
For women there is also no goal of clitoral or peak orgasm (any orgasm where you experience that clenching, squeezing sensation in your vagina and pelvic floor). I massage the outside of your yoni, working through tension points in the inner thighs, pelvic floor and perineum as well as your labia. As with Rosebud massage, we will have agreed at the beginning of the session whether you would like to include any internal work. When we reach this stage I will always ask you to invite me to move to internal work.
We work at your pace, there is never any requirement to include internal massage. Internal yoni massage uses very gentle trigger points to relax and re-sensitise the walls of your vagina, your G-spot and your cervix. I guide one or two fingers to specific points inside your yoni and then hold there with gentle pressure, allowing you to relax and let any emotional response move in your body. It’s a healing experience but also gives many women a completely new connection with orgasmic sensation in their yoni and ultimately their whole body.
Before the end of the session I use some ‘grounding’ techniques to help you settle your body and your energy so you feel balanced and not too ‘spaced out’ when you leave :-) I close the session by giving you some time alone in the space to just be still and present with your body. You are welcome to take a warm shower before you get dressed. Before you leave I will check in with you, you can share any reflections or questions, but I do encourage you to stay out of the ‘thinking mind’ for as long as you can, just relaxing into the softness that has been created.
Here's what one client said after their massage:
‘I was left with a warm, soft feeling of relaxed energy which was wonderful - often for me deep relaxation leads to a collapsed, spent feeling, while when energised it can have a hyper element to it.’
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