Touching Me, Touching You

The secrets of beautiful massage...

I often feel that massage and touch is not something I ‘do’, it’s something I ‘am’. It’s not something I can teach you, it’s not techniques and skills, it’s an embodiment of the way you live your life being communicated through your hands to hear, see, feel and respond to the other. Being able to give a massage, or to touch someone in a way that makes them feel moved, opened, safe and stimulated, begins with connecting to your own body. Having awareness of the movement, flow and emotional fluctuations of your own body on a subtle, energetic level is more powerful than any technique, structure or form you can learn with your mind.

Touch yourself...

Lets begin with a little self exploration…

  • Sit down comfortably somewhere, allow your back to be supported so your spine and belly can relax.
  • Choose one area of your body – for example your forearm, the inside of your thigh or your neck.
  • Now, take your dominant hand (the hand you write with) to that area and touch yourself as if you are the giver.
  • Move slowly, let the hand be soft and relaxed, focus your attention on the sensations moving INTO the hand.
  • Allow your awareness to drop into your fingertips, the palm and edges of your hand, and see if you can experience the pleasure available to you as the giver.
  • Bring the hand to stillness, move it away from the body and take a breath.
  • Then return the hand and touch yourself as if you are the receiver.
  • Again, move slowly, focus your attention on the sensations moving INTO the body.
  • Allow your awareness to fall to your skin, your muscles, your bones of the area being touched and see if you can experience the pleasure of receiving.

Spend as much time on each as you want. Remember to keep the breath deep and constant, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Notice any thoughts that jump into your mind: ‘this is silly, I can’t feel anything, I must remember to do X, Y & Z later’ etc. and just let those thoughts pass. Notice any emotions that arise in your body and give them space to be expressed – sadness, embarrassment, frustration, arousal, just feel whatever is there.

Sensitising, and drawing awareness into, the hands in this way will mean that you are able to really feel into the other person whilst staying grounded and relaxed in yourself. This, for me, creates the difference between an enjoyable or a mind-blowing quality of touch, a good massage and a sublime one.

Self love and massage

Letting it in...

A good massage, or touch experience, is as much about the way we receive as the way touch is given. Being fully open as a receiver and trusting, showing the deepest parts of ourself in each moment without fear of judgement, letting go of self consciousness and ‘what the other might think of us’ and just being present with the experiences of the body.

When experiencing a massage or touch experience can you embody my foundations of active receiving…

1. I am here and now

There is neither past nor future, only the present. When I am being massaged, my awareness is on my body. I feel the touch. I feel the contact of my skin with the masseuse’s hands. I feel any and all sensations arising in my body. I will let all other thoughts drift away.

2. I am aware of my body and how it feels

I will allow myself to feel how my body reacts to stimuli that come. There is no need to analyse and over specify anything. Just be aware of your body and let the chattering mind relax.

3. I know how to show it

Allowing vocal expression of how your body feels. You can read more about this in my previous blog post here. There is no need to talk. Frequently, our language is too limited to express experiential things. In addition, words unnecessarily activate the mind, which, during the massage should be taking a break.

4. I am breathing

Breath is the vehicle for our sexual energy, a conscious anchor into the sensations and experiences of the body. You can read more about this in my previous blog post here. Staying connected with your breath as a receiver deepens and intensifies the effects of any conscious touch.

5. I am moving

To actively receive we need to participate in what is happening in the body. I often compare this to stroking a cat: the cat does not lie there, rigid, passive, unmoving. No, the cat will arch it’s back, turn it’s neck to you, allow the energy of your touch to move into and through it’s body. It is only natural to move during massage. Nothing needs to be forced or exaggerated, but you can connect with natural expressions that correspond to the movement of energy or sensations in your body. So, you may wiggle, wriggle, bend, shake your legs, sway your hips, stretch yourself, or whatever feels right in each moment. You can read more about this in my previous blog post here.

So, whether you’re giving or receiving touch, remember you can deepen your experience and connect with your body on more subtle orgasmic or healing levels if you can be truly present to yourself and the other, with no agenda to ‘take’ anything, ‘achieve’ anything or ‘be a certain way’.

If you’re interested in deepening your experience of touch, as an individual or as a couple, then booking a session with me can be a great step.

With Love,



Thanks for taking time to read my blog articles, I hope that they help you to feel more confident and relaxed with your body, touch and intimacy. If you’d like to support the page you can make a donation and ‘buy me a coffee’ to fuel me whilst I’m writing the next article 🙂

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