Learning how to squirt is liberating...
In her book ‘Female Ejaculation & The G-Spot’ Deborah Sundahl suggests that ‘Learning about the important part of your anatomy that creates female ejaculate will help you to understand that the ejaculate is separate and distinct from urine. Traditionally, women have not been encouraged to let go and be themselves, either emotionally or physically, and the fear that they will urinate instead of ejaculate prevents many women from ‘letting go’ when making love. Learning how to ejaculate is liberating – in any area of life. It can create or enhance a sense of personal autonomy and empowerment and may therefore also improve your overall health and happiness.’
What is squirting?
It was only as recently as 1982 that sexologists Ladas, Whipple & Perry identified a sensitive area in the vagina that seemed to trigger female ejaculation, and they named the area ‘the G-spot’ (after German researcher Ernst Gräfenberg). They also identified its muscle and nerve support, and discovered it can produce its own unique type of orgasm.
Squirting is one of those things that can really polarise people’s opinions. Many women would say they have never squirted, some believe it a desirable experience to have, others would definitely rather avoid it. Some accounts suggest that the fluid is just urine, lots of ancient scripts and civilisations believed it to be ‘divine nectar’ that could even bestow eternal life to the consumer! It’s even been banned in the UK in a recent change to legislation on pornography! A 1997 study by psychologist and sexologist Dr Francisco Santamaria Cabello suggests that many women when sexually aroused, ejaculate retrograde, into the bladder. Dr Cabello tested the contents of the bladder in 24 women for prostate specific antigen (PSA)- the ejaculate identifier – before and after orgasm. Although only 3 of the 24 women visibly ejaculated, 75% of the ‘non-ejaculating’ women had urine samples that had a higher percentage of PSA than had been present in their pre-orgasm urine samples. So, even if you’re not experiencing ‘Niagra falls’ you’re probably still squirting!
Why would you want to squirt?
Experiencing female ejaculation and enhanced G-Spot pleasure can be a gateway to learning more about your body & emotions. Exploring the landscape of your genitals and having access to more than one pathway to orgasm can enhance intimacy and lead to a more satisfying and diverse sexual experience. Becoming comfortable with the sensation of ‘letting go’ can be hugely beneficial for chronic tension patterns, alleviating pelvic and genital health issues. Ejaculating is also a cleansing process for the urethra and vagina, contributing to optimal genital health!
What does squirting feel like?
For me, the experience of squirting helps me to release locked up emotions and tensions. When my lover feels into my body and I guide him to go slowly, it builds a tsunami of sensation that breaks at the point of release. I get all over body tingles, my body shivers and shakes, it’s like having hot and cold air blasted up through the interior of my body. I feel my pelvis relax and I feel somehow more ‘IN’ my body. It’s very different to an orgasm on my clitoris. It’s a slower, fuller experience, it lasts longer and leaves me feeling more satiated. It also feels a little bit naughty, in a good way, and like I am repeatedly soaking through any residue of shame that’s clogged up in my body and mind. Ultimately, as one porn star April O’Neil sums up in this whimsical little video ‘Ask a Porn Star: Is Squirt Pee?‘… ‘I don’t know, I don’t care. Whatever makes you feel good, if that happens when you orgasm and it makes you feel better – fucking go for it!’. Well said, April 🙂
How to make your partner squirt...
The most counter-intuitive instruction here is to let go of the GOAL of trying to make your partner or lover squirt. Often, the more you keep doggedly pumping away or trying to enthusiastically generate an ejaculatory response, the more likely it is that her sensitive urethral sponge, and her body more widely, will tense and contract – NOT the optimal state to be in to access the deeply relaxing feeling of ‘letting go’.
If your partner has never experienced squirting before and is nervous about the potential embarrassment of urinating or ‘losing control’ then it’s definitely a good idea to talk about it BEFORE you get intimate. Read up on the science, come to understand the differences between the experience of ejaculating and urinating. And then reassure her that it’s also absolutely OK if there is a bit of pee…
- Prepare your space: invest in a waterproof sheet and have towels handy.
- Spend time massaging her body and her yoni before you move to internal touch. Helping her to relax and release any initial tension from her belly, hips, pelvis and genitals will be very beneficial.
- Go slowly. When you penetrate her yoni, begin by gently holding at the base, on the perineal sponge (imagine 6 o’clock). Then massage the side walls (imagine 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock) of her vagina.
- Turn your hand so the palm is facing upwards, connect your middle and ring finger with the length of her urethral sponge. Just hold here for a few moments and encourage her to breathe deeply, make sound and relax.
- Now begin to sweep your fingers from side to side, finding the valley either side of the urethral sponge. As you sweep side to side, also move from deep in the vagina towards the entrance. So you’re making a zig-zag movement over her urethral sponge.
- Massaging the entirety of the urethral sponge in this way stimulates the whole tissue of the female prostate gland and engorges the tissue, drawing the prostatic fluid (ejaculate) into the most commonly located area of the most dense collection of glands and ducts that then release the ejaculate. Bear in mind that many people have a difficult time finding the G-spot as they are looking too far back in the vagina: studies by Huffman in 1948 showed that over 70% of women have the majority of these ducts and glands concentrated close to the urethra, only 15% have ducts and glands distributed toward the back of the urethral sponge (deeper in the vagina).
- You will feel the erectile tissue of the urethral sponge start to puff up and become fluffy, it might feel a little like a marshmallow or a soft, wrinkled peach.
- At this stage it can be helpful to get your partner to sit up onto her knees as gravity is a helpful factor in encouraging the downward and outward movement of ejaculatory fluid! Place a hand on her lower back to steady her so she can relax and lean into your body.
- Now, slowly but firmly, keeping your fingers soft (not pushing or digging in), start to press backwards and forwards. It should feel like you are gently pulling towards her pubic bone then pressing back towards her tailbone. You’re not ‘tickling’ with your fingers or ‘twitching’ the fingers whilst the hand stays in place, you’re moving your whole arm almost – pressing back and forth.
- Let your body be relaxed – try not to tense up. Keep breathing and encourage her to breathe deeply, make sound and gently press down with the walls of her vagina onto your fingers.
- This pressing down feeling is often the most disconcerting part for a woman and can be fraught with feelings of ‘losing control’, fears that ‘I might wet myself or poop’. Gently encourage her, hold firmly and lovingly on her back. Increase the speed of your movement gradually, bringing her to the peak before the wave crashes.
- The feeling of release that can come if/as she squirts will often be accompanied by waves of emotion: tears, screams, laughter, deep deep sighs, out of body sensations.
- Rather than pulling in and up (as with a clitoral orgasm) the musculature of the pelvic floor, vaginal walls and lower belly tend to release and relax at this point, bringing a rush of sensation through the whole body rather than the clenching, spasming localised sensations of a clitoral orgasm.
How to make yourself squirt...
A slightly more difficult experience for many due to the need to simultaneously relax your body AND stimulate yourself internally. I personally had to practice quite a bit before this ‘clicked’ for me! The steps above are translatable into your own self-pleasuring; do for yourself as I have suggested others do for you.
- Spend time massaging yourself, relaxing your belly, thighs and hips before you begin any penetration.
- Again, kneeling on all fours can be a comfortable position for many women, or lying on your back with a cushion under your buttocks so your belly can relax. Experiment and see what feels good for you.
- BE PATIENT. If at first you don’t succeed, slow down and try again.
- As with any self-love practice, take time for stillness, integration and acknowledgement at the end of your session, before moving or continuing with your day.
A space to practice...
My Sister Love Sessions can incorporate internal vaginal massage and give you an imprint of exploring the sensations of your G-Spot, as well as ways to use breath, sound and movement to encourage relaxation and the experience of ‘letting go’ into your ejaculation. My Masturbation Coaching Sessions also give you a space to learn more detailed anatomical and physiological information about your genitals, and how you can experiment with and enjoy ejaculation in your solo-sex!
If you’d like to know more, or book a session just send me an email on firstname.lastname@example.org