A simple touch practice for each day of the festive period
I’m sure you’ve probably heard of the ’12 days of Christmas’; an extravagantly useless deluge of gifts (I mean, who really needs ’11 pipers piping’ in their living room on 4th January?!) meant as an expression of love and generosity. Well, this year why not try something a little more practical, a little more tactile, and a little more pleasurable…Introducing the Touch of Happiness 12 Days of Touchmas! This can be a daily gift to yourself over the festive period, or a way to explore something new with a partner. You can try each type of touch on your whole body (perhaps use my ‘Top-To-Toe Touch’ approach), you can choose one small area to focus on each day (e.g. just your feet, your thighs or your neck), or you can use them to bring more variety to the way you touch your genitals during your self-pleasure practice.
The gift of touch, a touching gift
On each day I suggest a minimum of 3 minutes spent mindfully exploring the touch (you can of course spend longer if you wish). Do it first thing in the morning when you wake up, or in the shower, or whilst chilling on the sofa after a delicious mince pie! Each day, add the new technique to your ‘touch routine’ and build it up just as the song suggests – ‘…on the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree’. By the end of the 12 days you will have a comprehensive and really delicious set of touch gifts to enjoy!
Remember, this doesn’t have to be an ‘erotic’ or ‘sexual’ practice: it might feel pleasurable, calming, relaxing, soothing, energising, grounding or anything in between! Christmas is a varied time for everyone, emotionally speaking. Taking some time to connect with sensation and touch in a mindful way, either with yourself or with your partner, is a great tool to regulate your nervous system and keep you grounded. So, here we go! On the first day of Touchmas…
1. Small circles
Using the pads of the first two or three fingers, move in small circles lightly over the skin. Try clockwise and counter-clockwise - does this create a different sensation? Each circle should be about the size of two pence piece. I find this feels really nice on my forehead, my nipples and the arch of my foot.
2. Big circles
Apply a little coconut oil to the palms of your hands and move in big circles with soft pressure over the skin. Again, try different directions and also play with speed. Big, fast circles along the arms can feel quite invigorating, whilst big slow circles on the belly can help soothe an overworked digestive system.
3. Sweeping up
Using the fingertips as if you are running them through a bath of water (slightly apart, and softly relaxed), move in a sweeping motion in an upwards direction (i.e. from your feet to your head). Try with just one hand, then alternating both. I love using this one along the inside of my leg from my ankle to my groin (long sweeps), but also as little sweeps over my labia.
4. Sweeping down
Simply reverse the above. I find it’s easier (and creates a different type of sensation) to use the backs of the fingers when moving in the downward direction, but you might also like to experiment with more of a flat palm sweep (with a little oil) say from the shoulder, and down over the chest/breast.
5. Tapping
Imagine your body as a drum. Use the fingertips to tap out your own rhythm over every millimetre that you can reach. I really enjoy this at the base of my skull, and on my sternum: there’s something about the solid, percussive nature of these bony parts of the body that likes to be tapped! This is great to combine with my ‘Top-To-Toe Touch’ practice, taking your time to tap all the way down from the crown of your head to the tips of your toes.
6. Pummelling
Make fists with your hands, tucking the thumb inside your index finger. Begin gently and use the palm side of your fists (think Tarzan pummelling his chest), adding more pressure/force if it feels good. You can alternate (left, right, left, right) or pummel with both hands in sync. The latter is nice along the outside of the thighs.
7. Spanking
Something a little naughty for New Year’s Eve - the 7th day of ‘Touchmas’. This doesn’t need a lot of explanation yet it’s actually quite a skill to spank well. Focus spanking on the ‘meaty’ parts of your/your partner’s body (i.e. buttocks, thighs), start light - more like a rhythmic patting with the palm - to warm the skin up, and build the intensity/firmness of your spanks gradually. If spanking a partner, always check in regularly and ask them to give you number from 1-10 so you can gauge how ‘intense’ the sensation is (1 = it might as well be Grandma patting their hand, 8 = the sweet spot, ‘ouch, but I can still relax’, 9+ = too hard, I’m not enjoying it).
8. Rolling
Find a good, heavy rolling pin… No, I’m joking! Haha! Rolling works on the fascia layer (between skin and muscle) and can be most easily tried out on the back of your hand. Pinch a little of the skin between your thumb and forefingers, then ‘walk’ the fingers along so you’re rolling the skin between them. I really like this sensation because it has a distinctive ‘afterglow’.
9. Squeezing
Manhandle yourself/your partner a little bit. Use one or both hands to cup and squeeze different parts of the body. A long sustained squeeze on the calf muscle, for example, will first restrict blood flow to the tissues and then when you let go, send a fresh flow in. This is great for achey shoulders, feet and hands.
10. Jiggling
With the hands relaxed and flat, gently cup an area of the body and make a soft ‘jiggling’ motion. This is again working on the fascia layer of the body, creating some movement between the skin and muscles. I enjoy this one on my breasts, my jaw (which is often an area that we hold tension) and over the whole of my vulva. If using this on a partner you can also make it a bit more ‘full body’ by holding their hips, encouraging them to ‘be floppy’ and then gently jiggling the pelvis.
11. Thumbing
Use your thumbs to find trigger points in the muscles. These will be the little ‘sore spots’ that elicit that very distinct pleasure/pain sensation. Hold each point for a minute or so, or try firmly sliding the thumb through each area. Breathe deeply and let your body relax as much as possible.
12. Stillness
This is a hugely underrated skill when it comes to mindful touch. Let your hands rest somewhere on your/your partner’s body, without ‘fiddling’ or ‘doing’, and just simply be present to what you feel in the palms of your hands and the part of the body being touched. This is one of the most important types of touch I give my body on a daily basis, and allows those that I touch to access a deeper layer of relaxation than if I were just constantly ‘moving’.
After these 12 days you may find that you have a few ‘favourites’, you might have discovered something new, you might have been reminded of something you’d forgotten that you enjoyed. Feel free to share in the comments, or reach out to my directly, and let me know!
So there you have it; 12 days – 12 ways to touch. My gift to you this Christmas and hopefully one that you can return to throughout the year. If you want to learn more about giving and receiving intimate touch check out my online courses in Mindful Masturbation and Genital Massage.
With Love,
Libby
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