What is 'blue balls and why does it happen?
‘My partner and I have been practising more of a tantric approach to sex, edging a lot but not climaxing. The effect is, as you say, incredible, but the next day I’m ending up with ‘blue balls’ and often the pain is bad enough to need to relieve them urgently… which is a real shame! Do you have any advice? We’re keen to explore tantra more and this is holding us back!’
Let’s just quickly cover what ‘blue balls’ actually is… So during arousal the erectile tissue of your penis and scrotum fills with blood (that’s what gives you an erection), and if you spend a sustained time in that state of arousal it can sometimes mean that it doesn’t all get cleared out effectively once you’ve stopped having sex. So some of that blood sticks around in the tissues of your pelvis and genitals. It’s not dangerous, but causes this feeling of discomfort and heaviness in the balls and sometimes a sort of darkening of the skin pigmentation – because of the pooled blood – hence the name ‘blue balls’.
It’s a bit of a myth that the ‘only way’ to get rid of blue balls is to ejaculate. That’s just a learned strategy based on conditioning and a lack of knowledge of Tantric sex. It’s what you’ve always done, so you think it’s the only solution.
Reducing the symptoms of 'blue balls'
There are quite a few things you can do to reduce the ‘symptoms’ of blue balls:
- Now that you’re having Tantric sex you can take some of the pressure off penetration. You don’t have to be hard all the time. Explore waves of arousal; intentionally take a break from penetration and switch to your partner massaging the rest of your body and your anus. My online massage course will give you some great guidance for this. This will give your body a chance to clear away some of the collected blood during your lovemaking session so that it doesn’t have such a backlog afterwards.
- Don’t ‘crash land’ when you end sex, glide down gently. Take time to spread touch (and therefore bloodflow) out and away from your genitals – massage down your legs to your feet, massage your lower belly, your perineum and your butt cheeks. You can do this yourself or get your partner to do it.
- Make sure you drink plenty of water and pee regularly before, during and after sex. Again, this will help your body clear the pressure from your pelvis and genitals.
- This tip comes direct from my friends who are Tantric Gigolos – they have a LOT of Tantric sex and have figured out what to do with blue balls! Get your body (and particularly your legs) moving: get your heart rate up and your cardiovascular system working, do some squats, have a leg day at the gym, focus on stretches for the lower body. Again, this all helps with blood flow and circulation.
- Do your ‘arse work’: massaging the anus and the muscles of the pelvic floor will reduce tension and mean those muscles are less likely to remain constricted and holding blood. Make this part of your regular self-pleasure practice and get your body fit for Tantric sex 😉
- Dip your balls in cool water or use a cool flannel on them. Simple logic to reduce inflammation.
- And if you really can’t bear it just take an aspirin. The sensation will fade as your body gets to work on clearing the collected blood, so help yourself stick it out by taking a painkiller.
There’s not a lot of medical research on blue balls, all the above are anecdotal solutions, but they’re tried and tested by many Tantric men I know. Try them out, experiment, find out what works for you. And if you figure out your own let me know and I’ll add it to the list!