What is a tantric massage?
People contacting me for a tantric massage session do so for many reasons. They are men, women and couples who wish to experience and be guided in conscious, sensual touch. Many have never experienced a tantric massage or sensual massage before and are often a little nervous, cautious and filled with questions. This article will give you an introduction to a typical first session with me, to give you an idea of what to expect.
The focus of my work is to provide a space in which you can relax and bring more awareness to the subtler sensations of your body. I work with the principle that Tantra is a goal-less practice. The Tantric approach to sex, intimacy, sensation and pleasure in the body is not about ‘getting’ something, or ‘achieving’ anything. My sessions are essentially a form of meditation in which you can practice being aware of what is happening in the moment, rather than attaching to the goal of a specific outcome. You can allow the busy mind to quieten down and not distract you with expectations or conditioning. Whilst each session is unique (we are guided by you and how much you relax and open), I do have a loose structure for the first time we meet, and certain boundaries and parameters remain the same.
Beginning the session...
We begin the session with a little chat and ‘check in’, usually taking around 15-20 minutes. This is an opportunity for you to ask questions, and I will talk to you about how the session will flow. We can discuss any boundaries you might have: what you do want to include in the session and what you don’t. For example, not all clients are interested in internal anal or vaginal massage in a first session but do want to experience external genital massage, OR, some clients just really hate having their feet touched! This time at the beginning of the session also really helps me to get a bit of a feel for you, and helps you to relax a little and let go of any initial nerves and apprehension. You might notice that by the end of this chat your body is already feeling a little softer and your mind is a little less anxious and busy. Many people have never really talked openly about their bodies, pleasure and intimacy – this is an important part of deepening the experience of the session.
I then leave you to undress to whatever level of nudity you are comfortable with: in my sessions I invite you to be naked though this is never a requirement. I may offer to include body-to-body contact, though I am never fully nude (I keep a pair of pants on). Skin-to-skin contact is a great way to release oxytocin and serotonin, two hormones that are beneficial for stress reduction and emotional wellbeing. Oxytocin is known as the ‘bonding’ hormone, it supports a feeling of connection and sense of safety in your body, and serotonin is known to act as an antidepressant. My sessions are always one-way touch (from me to you). I invite you to make yourself comfortable on the futon, we usually begin with you lying on your front so that I can work through the back of your body first.
Breathing in pleasure...
At this point I begin to guide you in a very simple breath meditation. You can read more about the importance of breath in my blog article here. The intention is to draw your awareness to how you are breathing and where you are breathing in your body. We allow the breath to deepen and slow so that you are inhaling and exhaling more fully. This acts a sort of ‘automatic switch’ for the nervous system, engaging the parasympathetic branch which encourages the ‘rest and digest’ state rather than the ‘fight or flight’ state we exist in much of the time. I then introduce a very simple breath technique to help you consciously direct your breath, and use it as a tool to connect with your sexual energy and orgasmic sensation, helping to move that energy through your body. You might begin to notice during this short meditation that it feels ‘easier’ to breathe, that parts of your body begin to ‘unwind’ and that your thoughts start to slow down a little. If you’d like to try this out before you come for a session you can access a longer version of the meditation here.
Getting energy moving...
I begin to introduce some touch to your body, perhaps gently rocking your pelvis, torso and thighs to release tension and tightness in the joints. I will then use long, slow, flowing massage strokes to work upwards from the base of your spine to the heart and the crown of the head, helping you to connect to the feeling of energy and sensation moving upwards from your sex and your pelvis. I might work with a little more focus around the base of your sacrum, the top of your pelvis and your hips before, again, moving the touch and energy up through your spine, over your back, shoulders, neck and arms. I may also use my body to massage you: the weight, pressure and full body contact really drops you into your body, away from the chattering mind, and helps connect you to your horny energy. During the whole session I will be reminding you to stay connected to your breath, to allow any sound or noise to move and to gradually become aware of any areas of your body where you can let go of tension and tightness.
Sometimes people experience unexpected emotions like sadness, tenderness, relief, frustration and numbness. This is very normal: getting into a relaxed state, receiving very mindful touch, having your whole body closely held and not having to ‘do’ anything in return can make you aware of emotions or sensations that have been suppressed and held in. We don’t tend to go into the ‘story’ of these (that’s what talk therapy is for), but instead I encourage you just to feel what is there and let it out through sound, movement and expression. It’s not unusual for people to have a good cry, a fit of giggles, or just some deep, relieving sighs! Often once this stuck emotion is felt and expressed it’s easier to relax and tune into the more subtle pleasurable and ‘horny’ energy in your body.
Intimate touch
At this point in the session I’ll invite you to turn over and we’ll explore touch in more intimate areas such as the belly and the genitals (if that is something you have requested in our chat at the beginning of the session). You can learn more about my Yoni and Lingham massage, and Rosebud massage, in my different blog articles here.
There is no goal of ejaculation or clitoral orgasm during a tantric massage. In fact, we intentionally move beyond these 5 second ‘peak orgasm’ experiences to deepen and expand the orgasmic sensation to the whole of the body. It will never be my intention to bring you to a point of ejaculation or clitoral orgasm during a session. I prefer to send you away feel re-charged and re-energised rather than drained in any way.
Ending the session...
Before the end of the session I use some ‘grounding’ techniques to help you settle your body and your energy so you feel balanced and not too ‘spaced out’ when you leave 🙂 You are welcome to take a warm shower before you get dressed. Before you leave I will check in with you, you can share any reflections or questions, but I do encourage you to stay out of the ‘thinking mind’ for as long as you can, just relaxing into the softness that has been created.
Here’s what some clients have said after their first tantric massage session with me:
‘You gave me such a warm and friendly welcome I felt immediately comfortable. It was so lovely to be touched, kindly and lovingly by another woman. It really opened me up. At times I cried, releasing a lot of stored up tension, at other times I went into a complete state of bliss. So rarely do I do anything where my mind genuinely switches off so this was such a unique experience for me.’ – Jenny
‘Thank you once again for an amazing experience yesterday. I have never felt an orgasm in my chest before! I really felt that I had discovered something special with you, and I just love the revelation of letting go of the need for ejaculation despite the intense stimulation of my sex. Simply magical.’ – John
What happens in subsequent sessions?
Deeper learning and growth comes from the depth of your experiences. One session, one experience, will touch the surface but engaging with a course or series of sessions will allow you to explore underlying patterns and integrate deeper, more sustainable changes in your habits, patterns and intimate experiences. This doesn’t mean that I want you to be dependent on our sessions, or to tie you in to elongated, open-ended commitments. It means that we can use a series of sessions to equip you with ideas, practices and interactions that will enable you to direct and continue your own learning and change.
Subsequent sessions are therefore really dependent on what it is that you are bringing ‘to the table’: what do you want to focus on; what do you want to explore more of or less of; what came up for you in the first session that was surprising, confronting, exciting, relaxing, pleasurable or challenging? With subsequent sessions we might focus more on a specific area of your body and what physical or emotional patterns are held there. We might include more practice with breath work, or movement, or communicating your needs and desires. It might be that in the first session you did not want any internal touch but that’s something you’d like to explore in a third or fourth meeting. Just as you grow more comfortable with a friend, colleague or lover over time, subsequent sessions allow us to develop a rapport and relationship that gives you space to open up and understand more about yourself and your relationship with your body and with pleasure.
If you have any questions that are not answered in this blog, or if you’d like to book your first session, you can drop me an email elizabeth@touchofhappiness.co.uk
With Love,
Elizabeth
x
