Is this basically a threesome?
One of the sessions I offer for couples is a two-hour ‘receiving session’, where one person receives an Intimate Bodywork massage from me whilst their partner is present in the room, witnessing and holding space.
It is probably one of my most misunderstood session formats, largely because we don’t have many familiar reference points for this kind of experience. Is it a couples massage? A massage lesson? A threesome? Are you both naked? Does the person watching just sit awkwardly in a chair for ninety minutes wondering where to look?!
So, let me explain a little more about how these sessions work, and why a couple might choose to book one.
Why would I watch my partner receive a sensual massage from someone else?
Couples come to me for a huge variety of reasons, but the receiving session is often chosen by people who are curious about gently expanding the boundaries of their intimate relationship.
Perhaps you’ve talked about the fantasy of involving another person, but jumping straight into a full-blown sexual experience with a stranger feels overwhelming. Perhaps one of you finds the idea of watching your partner experience pleasure exciting. You might simply be curious about what happens in an Intimate Bodywork session and want to explore it together, rather than one of you disappearing off to see me alone.
For some couples there is an element of eroticism or excitement in the experience – voyeurism can be a fun and natural part of our sexuality; for others, it is much more about trust, curiosity and witnessing their partner in a way they rarely get to.
Whatever your motivation, I’m not here to decide what you should get from the session. We will talk about your intentions, curiosities and boundaries during an intake call – I want to understand what prompted the idea to book, whose idea the session was, how you both feel about being there and whether there are any particular worries or limits I need to be aware of.
What happens at the beginning of the session?
During our intake call we will have talked quite a lot, but things may have changed, crystallised or developed by the time we get together. So we take time to ‘check in’ with how you’re feeling and chat through the practicalities of the massage. Intimate Bodywork is always one-way touch: the person receiving is invited to relax, breathe and experience the sensations in their body without needing to perform or reciprocate.
There is no expectation that the person receiving will be naked, although nudity is welcome if they feel comfortable with it and want to explore genital massage. As with all my sessions, we work at the pace and level of exposure that feels appropriate for the individual. I encourage the person who is not receiving to keep on at least a pair of pants, to not be fully nude, though they’re also welcome to undress to a comfortable level. This is to keep the focus on the pleasure and experience of the one who is receiving.
Most importantly, both people need to feel able to communicate honestly. Agreeing to the session does not mean agreeing to every possible form of touch, and either of you can raise a concern, ask a question or change your mind about a previously discussed boundary.
What does the other person do whilst their partner is actually being massaged?
This is probably the question I’m asked most often! The simple answer is: you watch and you stay present.
The observer can be somewhere comfortable in the room where they have a good view of the massage, or they’re welcome to sit/lounge alongside their partner if they want to feel more connected. At points I might invite you to hold your partner’s hand or let their head rest in your lap. You don’t need to meditate, take notes or pretend to be intensely serious about the experience. You are simply invited to be present and witness what is happening.
Sometimes that can be surprisingly powerful.
We rarely get to observe our partner completely absorbed in receiving touch without simultaneously being responsible for giving that touch. You might notice things that usually pass you by: how their breathing changes, where they hold tension, which parts of their body seem particularly responsive, or how differently they experience pleasure when there is no pressure to respond to you.
You might also notice things happening in your own body and emotions. Excitement, curiosity, jealousy, tenderness, nervousness and arousal can all be part of the experience and they’re all really welcome. I don’t expect you to sit there with a perfectly serene expression!
The point is not to perform the role of the ‘cool, open-minded partner’. It is to have an experience together and be curious about what it brings up.
Do we get to massage each other during the session?
No. This is the main difference between a receiving session and my longer couples massage coaching sessions. In a coaching session I actively teach and guide you in touching each other. We might experiment with different massage techniques, positions, communication tools and ways of giving and receiving. The two-hour receiving session isn’t a lesson. I do the massage and one of you receives it.
That said, you will almost inevitably learn something from watching. I have had partners tell me afterwards that they noticed techniques they wanted to try at home, or realised that they tend to move much faster when touching their partner, or got inspired by the way I used my body weight to bring different textures and sensations to the experience. Sometimes simply seeing someone else touch the body you know so well can give you a completely different perspective. But during the session itself, you can relax. Nobody is going to suddenly hand you the massage oil and ask you to demonstrate what you’ve learned.
Do we get to have sex at the end?
No. My studio is a professional bodywork space and the session does not transition into private sexual time for the two of you. This is partly a practical boundary, but it is also consistent with the philosophy behind my work. I am not trying to build everybody towards a dramatic sexual finale. My Intimate Bodywork sessions deliberately move away from a goal of ‘peak orgasm’ and instead encourage people to stay present with sensation, arousal, relaxation and the wider experience of pleasure.
You may, of course, leave feeling incredibly connected, turned on, affectionate or curious about each other. What you choose to do together later, in your own private space, is entirely up to you. In fact, I generally think there is something quite lovely about leaving the session with the experience still alive in your bodies, having time to talk about it, digest it and decide where you want to take that energy together.
Is a couples receiving session full of awkwardness?
It can be, for about five minutes 🙂 You are entering an unfamiliar situation, and unfamiliar situations often feel slightly awkward until our nervous system catches up with the fact that everything is actually okay.
My job is to hold the structure of the session so you don’t have to work out what happens next. I have been working hands-on with bodies and intimate touch since 2014, and honest conversations about sex, nudity, pleasure and boundaries are a completely normal part of my working day. You don’t need to arrive knowing the right terminology or having perfectly negotiated your feelings about the experience in advance. Curiosity is enough.
A receiving session can be a gentle, contained way of exploring what it feels like to bring the presence of another person into your intimate world without the complexity of a fully mutual sexual experience. For some couples it remains a fascinating one-off adventure; for others, it opens up conversations, fantasies and new ways of relating to each other that continue long after they leave the massage room.
We're curious...what now?
If this has sparked your curiosity and you’d like to take a little step into the unknown, feel free to get in touch to book an intake call and your session. You can also check out the testimonials on my couples page to see how others have felt about their sessions.
With Love,
Libby
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