Getting to the bottom of things
A lot of my clients interested in experiencing a Rosebud massage, especially for the first time, come to me with questions, and often some trepidation! Hopefully this blog will answer some of those questions and help you decide whether this session is right for you. You can read about a tantric massage session more generally in my blog ‘Your First Tantric Massage’.
During my longer sessions (2 and 3 hours), I offer to include ‘Rosebud Massage’. This can either be just external anal massage, or can also include internal massage and prostate massage for men. We will have agreed in our chat at the start whether this is something you want to explore, so nothing comes as a ‘surprise’ and you can allow the mind to let go of the ‘what’s going to happen next’ question. Rosebud Massage can be an almost hypnotically relaxing experience; it draws the awareness into this one, deliciously sensitive area of the body, cancelling out a lot of the ‘white noise’ of thoughts and mind chatter.
On the physical level the area around the anus and the entrance to the anus itself is dense with nerve endings, there is an abundance of sensation and pleasure available. Energetically, and emotionally, we hold a huge amount of tension and tightness in the fascia and tissues of the pelvic floor, the anal sphincters and the anus itself. Just think about when you hear a sudden, loud noise that gives you a fright: notice how you clench or tighten up down there - all these emotional triggers and responses throughout our lives are mapped into our bodies in different ways, and a lot of that is held in this area of the body. There is also the taboo and conditioning associated with exploring pleasure or penetration in the arse, that it is ‘dirty’, ‘gay’ or just something we shouldn’t do as ‘good girls/boys’.
Relaxing this area, and coming into a more conscious connection with the pleasurable sensations available to us has a hugely beneficial impact on the entire body…
‘The anus is made of two rings of muscle. The external one is continuous with the pelvic floor and is made of skeletal muscle. That’s the kind of muscle you can consciously control, and it’s called skeletal because it moves your skeleton…. But the internal muscle is connected to your digestive system and it’s made of smooth muscle. That’s the kind of muscle that’s in your organs and your blood vessels. You can’t fully control it because it’s wired by your autonomic nervous system. That’s the part of your nervous system that handles all of the behind-the-scenes management of things like your heart rate, your digestion, etc. Both the fight-or-flight and the relaxation nerves are connected to the internal anal muscle, and it’s the only place you can directly massage the parasympathetic nervous system to stimulate the relaxation response.’ ~ Taken from ‘The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure’, Charlie Glickman
Anal massage is something that I do not rush. It is gentle, focussed and always guided by you: I always check with you before moving to any internal work and guide you to communicate with me throughout so that we are never moving too fast. Once the benefits of relaxation have kicked in we begin to connect with sensation and pleasure, which can be an entirely new way of experiencing arousal - without the usual tension, performance anxiety and stress that most of us have mapped into our bodies when it comes to sexual excitement.
A word on hygiene...
At the start of a session I invite you to take a shower, this makes the experience a lot more pleasant for both of us! However, anal hygiene is perhaps something that many of us never really give any considered thought to. I’ll be totally honest here… many people I meet do not wash themselves properly… there, I said it! Your anus sits between two quite significant pieces of muscle: your buttocks. Most of us sit on our buttocks all day long, we sweat in our underwear and that crevice between your muscles stores all the sweat, and all the bacteria, and usually a bit of fluff from your trousers… There is a cumulative effect. So, one shower before a session often doesn’t quite cover it. I encourage everyone to take time when you’re in the shower (every day) to really clean the valley between your buttocks: spread them open, soap it up, slide your fingers and hands down in there, rinse it thoroughly, and then dry it thoroughly. Not drying properly is almost as bad as not washing at all… the moisture essentially creates a moist and mouldy environment for the rest of the day. I also invite you to use the toilet before we begin a session, it’s not necessary to perform a full anal douche as we do not work deep into the anal canal, but you can read more about that in this great article.
I usually perform anal massage when you are lying on your front, so there is no tension in your hips, buttocks and thighs. It also helps to undo the typical pattern of tension in the body, in relation to sexual arousal, where most of us squeeze and contract through the lower abdomen, curling the pelvis inwards. Lying on your front encourages the opposite: anterior rotation of the pelvis, and opening up through the front of the hips and torso. Whilst I am working with your anus I also am touching the rest of your body, stimulating the vagus nerve and spreading the focus and sensation up into the torso, chest and neck. When we have finished this part of the session I will invite you take a few moments just to be in stillness with your body before you turn over. We will have a little check in, see how you’re doing, maybe drink some water, and then let the body settle back into a comfortable and relaxed position so we can continue with the massage. You can read more about that here.
Here's some feedback I received from a recent client:
‘It felt like you were teaching me just through the touch of your hands, my body understood without my mind jumping in to analyse everything!’
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