Why it happens, why it stops and what it tells you about arousal
Most guys will know what it feels like to wake up to an erection: otherwise known as ‘morning wood’ (or ‘nocturnal penile tumescence’ if you want to be scientific). This very normal, very common bodily function is a quiet sign that your erection mechanism is in good working order. But what happens when morning wood stops showing up? And what does that have to do with your nervous system states and your ability to stay hard during sex? Let’s break it down.
So...why do guys get morning wood?
Despite what you might think, morning erections aren’t always about sexy dreams. They’re actually a physiological event triggered by your autonomic nervous system, not your fantasies. Specifically, they’re driven by the parasympathetic branch – the part responsible for rest, digestion, recovery… and yes, sexual arousal. Throughout the night, your brain cycles through different sleep stages, and during REM sleep – when your brain is most active and your body is most relaxed – your body naturally increases blood flow to the genitals. This can happen up to five times a night. It’s thought to be nature’s way of giving your penis a regular ‘systems check’. So morning wood is your body saying: ‘Hey, I’m relaxed, the plumbing works, and the nervous system is firing correctly.’
What if your morning wood has disappeared?
One of the questions I ask my clients who are struggling with erectile dysfunction is whether their morning erections have disappeared. If you’ve stopped waking up with a spontaneous erection, it’s not something to ignore. While occasional changes are normal – especially with poor sleep, high stress, or alcohol use – long-term or persistent absence of morning erections may signal a deeper issue. Here are some potential culprits:
Stress and anxiety
Chronic activation of the sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight mode) blocks arousal.
Poor sleep
Less REM sleep equals fewer erections. Sleep apnea is a common cause.
Alcohol, smoking and medication
These can interfere with blood flow and hormone levels.
Hormone imbalances
Low testosterone can reduce spontaneous erections.
Cardiovascular issues
Erections rely on good blood flow. The penis is often the first place that vascular issues show up.
Psychological disconnect
Emotional repression or numbing can interfere with natural arousal cues.
Morning wood is like a health barometer for your arousal system. If it’s missing, it’s often a sign that something – physiological or psychological – is blocking access to your natural arousal rhythm.
Nervous system states: why 'rest and digest' is essential for erections
The autonomic nervous system is the key player in both morning wood and strong, long-lasting erections during solo and partnered sex.
There are two main branches:
- Sympathetic nervous system – Fight, flight, freeze. Necessary for survival, but not for erections.
- Parasympathetic nervous system – Rest, digest, repair, and… arouse.
This means that getting and maintaining an erection requires you to be in a parasympathetic state – relaxed, safe, unhurried. If your body is stuck in stress mode, your arousal circuit can’t fire properly. Even if you’re mentally turned on, your physical response will lag behind.
What does this mean for sex?
Many of my male clients report that they can get an erection, but struggle to maintain it – especially during intimacy. Others find that it disappears the moment they feel pressure to ‘perform’ (which can be before they’ve even undressed). This isn’t a flaw in your masculinity. It’s a nervous system mismatch. You can’t will yourself into an erection by trying harder. You can’t override a locked-up nervous system by thinking your way out of it. What you can do is learn how to more reliably access safety, relaxation, and awareness of subtle sensation – especially when you’re with a partner. Intimate bodywork sessions are the ideal practice ground for training this skill: there is no romantic pressure, nothing you need to give back, and you get to explore really practical tools such as:
- Slowing down
- Regulating your breathing
- Staying connected to sensation, rather than performance
- Practicing mindful touch and body awareness
- Talking openly about anxiety or pressure
All of this gently invites your parasympathetic system back online.
Morning wood as a diagnostic tool
Your morning erection is a free, daily check-in with your body. If it’s there consistently, it’s a good sign your sexual health is solid and your erectile dysfunction is most likely situation specific. If it’s not, that’s useful data – not a disaster. No morning wood doesn’t automatically mean erectile dysfunction, but it may suggest:
- You’re sleep-deprived.
- Your stress levels are too high.
- You’re disconnected from your body.
- You’re over-reliant on visual or mental stimulation (e.g. porn).
- Your nervous system needs a reboot.
Supporting natural erections, the natural way
If you want to support morning wood – and long-lasting erections during sex – start with the basics:
- Prioritise deep, uninterrupted sleep
Aim for 7–9 hours and investigate snoring or apnea. - Reduce chronic stress
Practices like breathwork, meditation, massage, or yoga help shift you out of fight-or-flight. - Regulate your nervous system
Somatic practices (like shaking, intimate bodywork, or TRE) help re-pattern chronic tension and bring arousal back into the body. - Get into your body, not just your head
Cultivate awareness of sensation. Pleasure is physical, not just visual. Check out my online course in mindful masturbation for a full guided journey in reclaiming your physical pleasure pathways. - Create intimate environments where you feel safe
Emotional safety and trust go hand-in-hand with parasympathetic access. Check out my blog on how to talk to your partner about sex.
Morning wood is more than just a boner
It’s your body’s way of reminding you that arousal is natural, spontaneous, and deeply tied to your relaxed state. When you lose that reflex, it’s not the end of your sexual vitality – but it is an invitation to explore what your nervous system needs in order to open. Because long-lasting erections and satisfying intimacy don’t come from performance. They come from presence and relaxation. From feeling safe enough to play and let go of needing to achieve any goals. So next time you wake up with morning wood, smile. Your body just told you something important.
If this article resonates, if you’re experiencing a lack of morning wood and you want to address your struggles with erectile dysfunction please get in touch to book a coaching or bodywork session in Brighton, London, Stockholm or internationally wherever you are – just drop me an email and say hi!
With Love,
Libby
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