A whole-body perspective on anal play, sensation and self-care
A thoughtful question landed in my inbox recently from a newsletter subscriber:
“I am a 64-year-old man. Recently I bought an adult toy – vibrating anal beads – and I love it. I’m wondering though if it can be harmful in any way. I use plenty of lube. And should I limit the use to maybe 20-30 minutes per day?”
This is such a beautiful, honest question, and one that I’m sure many others have wondered about! I love to hear from anyone who is exploring and deepening the relationship with their own body and pleasure. There’s always a point along the journey of discovering new sensations and experiences where you might wonder, “is this good for me?”. Let’s talk through some of the key considerations: safety, habit formation, sensation, the nervous system, and a few common myths about anal play – especially for men as you age.
Vibrating anal toys are not dangerous when used mindfully
Assuming you’re using clean, body-safe toys with plenty of lube, and you’re not experiencing any pain, bleeding, or numbness, there’s no inherent harm in using vibrating anal beads. They’re designed for anal use, and modern materials (like silicone) are non-porous and safe when cleaned properly. That said, how you use the toy, how often, and what sensory habits you’re building are important parts of the picture.
Habitual use: how much is too much?
Let’s start with the question of duration and frequency. Is it okay to use your vibrating anal toy every day for 20–30 minutes? In principle, yes – the human body is remarkably adaptable, and there’s no strict rulebook that says daily anal stimulation is harmful. But just like with anything repetitive (from massage guns to power tools to high-intensity workouts), regular use of intense or high-frequency vibration can desensitise the tissues slightly over time. I’ve written about this before in my blog articles on vibrator use for women. It’s not that it causes damage – but it can train your body to only respond to that specific kind of sensation. Over time, your ability to feel the more subtle, nuanced touch of your own hands – or a lover’s touch – might feel a little muted by comparison. That’s where conscious touch comes in.
Hands vs vibration: different sensory pathways, different benefits
When you touch yourself with your hands – gently, curiously, slowly – you’re engaging your skin, fascia, a varied range of nerve endings, even your emotional memory. You’re in a feedback loop with your own body: listening, responding, adjusting. Vibrating toys, especially on higher speeds, tend to stimulate a more limited, and specific, range of nerve endings (like Pacinian corpuscles) that respond to deep pressure and vibration. These receptors are less sensitive to light touch and more tuned to mechanical stimulation. The result is a powerful, direct sensation that may feel intense and thrilling, but is less connected to the subtlety of emotional, energetic or erotic nuance. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just good to be aware of. My suggestion is always to mix it up: some days use the toy, other days, use your hands. In my online course in mindful masturbation we take a whole chapter to explore how to incorporate sex toys into your self-pleasure practice, and my top tips are to see sex toys as an addition to your practice of mindful masturbation – not the foundation of it, and to always begin your self-pleasure practice with touch, then gradually incorporate toys, and end your practice with loving, nourishing self-touch as well.
The nervous system loves slow
Many of my clients are surprised to learn that slower, less intense stimulation can actually lead to deeper arousal and relaxation. Fast, high-speed vibration often activates the sympathetic branch of the nervous system – the ‘go-go-go’ state. That can be fun, stimulating, horny… but it’s also more surface-level, and usually very orgasm-focused. Low-speed vibration or gentle pressure, on the other hand, tends to activate the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system – the ‘rest, digest, and receive’ mode. This is where emotional intimacy, full-body pleasure, prostate stimulation, and even energetic orgasms can unfold. So even with your vibrating anal toys, try experimenting with lower settings.
Will anal play cause incontinence?
This is one of the biggest myths around anal play, and it’s time to put it to rest. No, anal play will not cause incontinence – not when done with care. In fact, gentle anal stimulation can improve awareness and tone of the pelvic floor. The key is using toys that are the right size (not too large, not too small), going slowly, and never forcing insertion. Incontinence is more commonly linked to things like nerve damage from surgery, long-term straining (as in chronic constipation), or age-related muscle weakening – not to mindful erotic exploration. If anything, regular anal play with breath awareness and attention on mindful muscle engagement and relaxation, can support pelvic health.
Erotic mindfulness
Ultimately, any mindful exploration of pleasure is about building a relationship with your body that is sustainable, attuned, and loving. Rather than worrying about whether something is ‘harmful’ I’d invite you to ask yourself:
- “How present am I when I use this toy?”
- “Am I chasing intensity, or am I in tune with what feels nourishing today?”
- “Does this feel connected to my whole body, or just one hotspot?”
- “Is this experience leaving me more relaxed, open and connected – or am I over-focussed on the goal of climax, leaving me feeling empty after?”
Taking this kind of self-enquiry into your practice makes a big difference between masturbation that is habitual and disconnected, and self-pleasure that is an integrated part of self-care and growth.
A few quick tips for anal toy use
- Consider your lube: silicone lube is generally better for anal play (as the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina), however silicone lube will degrade the silicone of the toy over time. So, you can either use a condom on your toy and use silicone lube, or use a water-based option without a condom.
- Always clean your toys thoroughly after each use with warm water and unscented soap or a toy cleaner.
- Listen to your body. If you feel soreness, numbness, or a drop in sensation over time, take a break and return to hand-based play.
- Try using vibration externally as well – on the perineum, sacrum, or even the belly. These areas have rich networks of nerves and fascia too.
- Explore beyond the orgasm. Try using your toy without aiming for ejaculation/peak orgasm. Notice what that changes.
If you want more mindful pleasure tips, and guidance in using sex toys during masturbation, I recommend exploring my online courses.
With Love,
Libby
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