Tantric Massage: what, how, why?
People contacting me for a session do so for many reasons: men, women and couples who wish to experience and be guided in conscious, sensual touch. Many have never experienced a tantric or sensual massage before and are often a little nervous, cautious and filled with questions. So, I thought I would bring you an introduction to a session to give you a flavour of the work...
The focus of my work is to provide a space in which you can relax, and truly allow yourself to surrender and receive in order to connect with the subtler layers of sensation in your body. I work with the principle that Tantra is a goal-less practice. The Tantric approach to sex, intimacy, sensation and pleasure in the body is not about 'getting' something, or 'achieving' anything. My sessions are essentially a form of meditation in which you can practice being aware of what is happening in the moment, rather than attaching to the goal of a specific outcome or allowing the busy mind to distract you from the experience with it's stories of how things 'should' be. Whilst each session is unique (we are guided by you and how much you relax and open), I do have a loose structure and certain things are always the same.
Beginning the session...
We begin the session with a little chat and ‘check in’, usually taking around 15-20 minutes. This is an opportunity for you to ask questions, and I will talk to you about how the session will flow. We can discuss any boundaries you might have: what you do want to include in the session and what you don’t - for example, not all clients are interested in internal anal or vaginal massage in a first session but do want to experience external genital massage, OR, some clients just really hate having their feet touched! This time at the beginning of the session also really helps me to get a bit of a feel for you, and helps you to relax a little and let go of any initial nerves and apprehension. You might notice that by the end of this chat your body is already feeling a little softer and your mind is a little less anxious and busy.
I then leave you to undress - in my sessions I invite you to be naked and I wear just a pair of knickers. I use body-to-body contact but the session is one-way touch only. There is no goal of ejaculation or clitoral orgasm, in fact we intentionally move away from these 5 second ‘peak orgasm’ experiences to deepen the orgasmic sensation in the body. Body-to-body contact is a great way to release oxytocin and serotonin, two hormones that are beneficial for stress reduction and emotional wellbeing. Oxytocin is known as the ‘bonding’ hormone, it supports a feeling of connection and sense of safety in your body, and serotonin is known to act as an antidepressant. I invite you to make yourself comfortable on the futon, we usually begin with you lying on your front so that I can work through the back of your body first. I cover you with a light sarong, the gentle touch of the cloth already beginning to awaken the sensitivity of your skin.
Breathing in pleasure...
At this point I begin to guide you in some very simple breath meditation. You can read more about the importance of breath in my blog article here. The intention is to draw your awareness to how you are breathing and where you are breathing in your body. We allow the breath to deepen and slow so that you are inhaling and exhaling more fully. This acts a sort of ‘automatic switch’ for the nervous system, engaging the parasympathetic branch which encourages the ‘rest and digest’ state rather than the ‘fight or flight’ state we exist in much of the time. I then introduce a very simple breath technique to help you consciously direct your breath, and use it as a tool to connect with your sexual energy and orgasmic sensation, helping to move that energy through your body. You might begin to notice during this short meditation that it feels ‘easier’ to breathe, that parts of your body begin to ‘unwind’ and that your thoughts start to slow down a little. If you'd like to try this out before you come for a session you can download a longer version of the meditation here.
Getting energy moving...
I begin to introduce some touch through the sarong, perhaps gently rocking your pelvis, torso and thighs to release tension and tightness in the joints. I will then use long, slow, flowing massage strokes to work upwards from the base of your spine to the heart and the crown of the head, helping you to connect to the feeling of energy and sensation moving upwards from your sex and your pelvis. I might work with a little more focus around the base of your sacrum, the top of your pelvis and your hips before, again, moving the touch and energy up through your spine, over your back, shoulders, neck and arms. I will also use my body to massage you: the weight, pressure and full body contact really drops you into your body, away from the chattering mind and helps connect you to your horny energy. During the whole session I will be reminding you to stay connected to your breath, to allow any sound or noise to move and to gradually become aware of any areas of your body where you can let go of tension and tightness.
Ending the session...
Before the end of the session I use some ‘grounding’ techniques to help you settle your body and your energy so you feel balanced and not too ‘spaced out’ when you leave :-) I close the session by giving you some time alone in the space to just be still and present with your body. You are welcome to take a warm shower before you get dressed. Before you leave I will check in with you, you can share any reflections or questions, but I do encourage you to stay out of the ‘thinking mind’ for as long as you can, just relaxing into the softness that has been created.
Here’s what one client said after her first session with me:
‘You gave me such a warm and friendly welcome I felt immediately comfortable. It was so lovely to be touched, kindly and lovingly by another woman. It really opened me up. At times I cried, releasing a lot of stored up tension, at other times I went into a complete state of bliss. So rarely do I do anything where my mind genuinely switches off so this was such a unique experience for me.’
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